6 Years Coding, 0 Things Shipped

"Talk is cheap. Show me the code." — Linus Torvalds 


How can you call yourself a good painter if you have not made any painting in life. you can’t be good artist just by reading books or passing comments on other paint works. If you think you are good artist, just show me your work. period.

6 years in coding.
5 different job switch.
0 interview had to be given, thanks to referral and connections.
0 earned from my project cause,
0 live software/app.



Well, i am on that trap. Everyday i try to convince myself that i am the good developer, but i have nothing to show for. The funny thing is that, i convinced my self so hardly that i am the good developer, that i also went on teaching other to code? Like hello?? I don’t think i ever wanted to be teacher, maybe i was just looking for a escape? or maybe i was just looking for the validation;

I can’t name a single thing i have made in 6 years of my coding journey. Never created anything for me, or for anyone i love. Never earned singled dime from any of my project.

Here is a thing though, i love coding. i have been coding ever since i got my first laptop. I still remember spending multiple night trying to fix bugs, trying to make games or anything cool. I believe those were the final moments i ever had fun coding. Once i started working at office, once the first pay check arrived, i think i started to live off paycheck to paycheck.
My curiosity was sidelined by the family debt, “apps to build” never escape the paper, day one became one day. The thing i thought i will do on my free time, now required too much motivation to start.
 Slowly i priority shifted, and working just enough to get paid became my new normal. Guilt never stop creeping though but;

I got comfortable.

Not happy, just comfortable. i didn’t had to make my own app, thanks to stable income. i couldn’t quite my job to start my own company, thanks to family debt.
 So i did what every comfortable man does — stay in comfortable. Live my life of paycheck to paycheck. Maybe i overthink to much what other will say? There is a loud voice somewhere in me constantly remind me with “What others will think”.


“Oh you are going to build this app? bruh, anyone can build it. its nothing special”
 “Oh you think its the best solution? even a junior student can come up with better solution”
“Damn, can’t solve even this DSA problem? Who hired you?”



Mind you these are not something other told me, its my brain convincing me to think this stuff.

That has been my biggest regret so far. Not that i don’t have my own company or my own app, just that i didn’t have courage to fail. 
i failed to fail faster now all that is left is shy, under confident and too much comfortable person who regrets every decision.

Now i am leaving that version of myself behind. I am marking this blog as the first step to get uncomfortable. In fact i will just publish this blog without reading it twice. it will be like note to me for future.
I will not expect anything in return. I will just do cause i wanna do it. Keep building and publishing for myself.

May be next year, i will love the version of myself.

"Everything you want is on the other side of fear." — Jack Canfield